Had an emotional journey in last night’s dream.
It moved me and I want to capture the moment.
I dreamt I was solely responsible for Nate.
It could have been just for that moment or that day, but at the end of the day, I had to look after him.
Sarah wasn’t around or available. Just me looking after him.
During the day, I had been giving him more independence. Let him wonder around and stand his own ground.
As opposed to hovering around him and making sure he is OK.
I kept a distant eye on him.
He was having fun and was happy.
Then, we needed to continue onward with our journey.
It felt like we were on our way to a water park. There were some rides we were looking forward to go on.
Suddenly I realized I left our towels behind at our temporary city based accommodation.
I needed to go back and collect them.
Nate was content were he was and he didn’t need to join me on a quick return.
So I approached him and said: “I’ll be quick. Wait here.”
I then left him and returned to our accommodation.
In my way, I got distracted with entertainment and work.
I was getting delayed and getting sucked into opportunities that demanded my immediate attention.
I had to make decisions.
Nate was in the back of mind and I began to panic.
I was being forced to do work, which would take up my time and force me from being with him.
I had to fight and say “no” to doing work.
At that moment, I worried about Nate. I worried about his feelings and his ability to cope on his own.
This worry is what triggered my emotional journey.
I realized he was emotionally young and that he needed my support.
I realized that if I neglect him any longer, it would cause trauma in his life.
I realized it could do damage to his emotional well-being.
I wanted to help him and protect him.
His well-being is my responsibility.
That’s when it hit me. A new level of understanding. A new experience that has weirdly helped me relate better.
Relate to others who have had to emotionally support their children. Children incapable of being independent.
Children not old or mature enough to stand on their own.
I now understand that feeling. A deeper level of responsibility.